Hey.
So I'm writing a new entry. Even though I've been feeling like my online blog presence is very random, chaotic, unfocused, etc. Like, what real purpose have my blogs served me, and other people? My blogs have pretty much been online diaries, and I do feel self-conscious about that. Like, part of me feels like my blogs should be different, and have more of an appeal to people. But whatevs. For some reason, I always feel better after I have checked in via a blog. So that's what I'ma do.
It's been a hot minute.
I've been working at a children's museum part time (4 days per week). It's...interesting. I do have fun with the children, but office politics can get to me sometimes. I guess that's anywhere.
♥♥♥
I will be moving to Rockaway Beach, Queens rather soon. All of my things have been moved out of my Bed Stuy apartment; about half are in the new Queens apartment and the other half are being stationed at my parent's. I've been sleeping on my parent's couch this past week, and tomorrow they will help me transport the last of my stuff to Queens. (BTW, I have way too much stuff.) I'm kind of scared to move there because I think I might get really, really lonely, being so far from so many people that I know and love. Luckily, I am a traveler so I literally will go anywhere if there is public transportation. I will definitely visit friends and go out. But will they visit me?? I don't know. :( On the flip side, the neighborhood is AMAZING. There's a library basically on my block, and the beach is 3 blocks away. The ocean and I will definitely get aquainted this summer. It's also much cheaper than my formerly $900/month 1 br apartment in Brooklyn. It's only one room with a small refrigerator and a stove, but the shared bathroom is very clean and the house is really nice. Remind me to buy flip flops for the shower, DuBois Hall style (my old college dorm).
♥♥♥
I want to be one of those girls who are always fabulously fly. And shit.
♥♥♥
My love life has been lackluster. But I've also been more focused on not being broke than on dating. I'm also still a shy person. I don't know how that's going to work out for me in the proverbial end. But Susan Piver said to approach life from a "how can I love?" standpoint as opposed to a "who can love me?" standpoint.
♥♥♥
I've developed some sort of weird congestion yesterday. I know it's from eating all sorts of crap with reckless abandon, and all these crazy weather changes here in NYC. I immediately went on a 100% vegan tea and fruit juice regimen to help flush out the toxicity, and I'm feeling a little better. However, I don't think I will be vegan again when I get well. I LOVE fish (and cheese!), and I was even eating some chicken here and there before I got sick. When I eat a vegan diet, I don't feel emotionally fulfilled. That might be addiction to non-vegan foods, but I suspect that it also has to do with my vata body temperament. But I do believe that consuming a 50-75% vegan diet (with a high percentage of raw fruits and veggies via salads and smoothies) is probably going to be the best for me, for general maintenance of my body's systems. And going easy on the cheese, though I love it so. Though Gary Null, who always delivers the latest health and nutrition news, would say I should be fully vegan.
♥♥♥
I've been feeling uncreative and unmeditative. I've been falling off my schedule of sleeping early, rising early, and getting lots of shit done. But I want to change this.
Showing posts with label updates. Show all posts
Showing posts with label updates. Show all posts
Friday, February 18, 2011
Friday, September 17, 2010
Catharsis (?)
This post is finna be cathartic. Maybe. That's what I'm telling myself. I need some sort of non-twitter, non-facebook internet outlet. I think. Blogger to the rescue? Let's see.
There's a lot of stuff in my brain. I've been having a lot of down days this week, of varying intensities. This money shit is like...bananas. This not having a job isht is completely unfunny and I'm over it. I'm going to file for unemployment tomorrow, online. And food stamps. I've already sent an email today trying to get Hunter College off my back...I can't pay you $1000 dude, I have no income. I've also sent a request for deferment for my undergrad loans (I have small ones despite my mainly full scholarship). No luck trying to convince Bank of America to go easy on me with the credit card payments, despite the fact that I haven't used that card in years. Literally. I'm simply paying back what I owe them rom purchasing books when I was a sophomore in college.
But yea. Amidst all of the money problems...or rather underneath them...I met someone that I can't seem to forget a little while ago. From the looks of it, it appears that the feelings are not mutual. Which of course makes me question if I'm just completely bugging. But I'm trying to sit with "what is." Fun.
Also, I stopped communicating with an ex a little while ago. I think it was healthiest thing to do, but at the same time, I hate that it has to be this way. I would love to really be her friend. It doesn't seem likely though.
Additionally. I've been doing some thinking about friendships. And how we are all guilty of doing something wack to a friend, at some point. Even if the wackness is relatively small, wackness is wackness. It sucks when you're on the receiving end, but for me, it reminds me that I be on my bullshit, sometimes, too. It also reminds me of the power of seeking and giving forgiveness. By just being human, we can't help but do or say something crazy to our friends from time to time. Of course, if you're really somebody's friend, you try to keep the wackness mild and infrequent. Because you don't want your friend to get the wrong idea about your intentions.
But yea. Other than this...money and realtionships...um...I'm just tryna stay afloat above it all. Some days I definitely *feel* like I'm sinking instead, though. Whether or not this is actually true.
There's a lot of stuff in my brain. I've been having a lot of down days this week, of varying intensities. This money shit is like...bananas. This not having a job isht is completely unfunny and I'm over it. I'm going to file for unemployment tomorrow, online. And food stamps. I've already sent an email today trying to get Hunter College off my back...I can't pay you $1000 dude, I have no income. I've also sent a request for deferment for my undergrad loans (I have small ones despite my mainly full scholarship). No luck trying to convince Bank of America to go easy on me with the credit card payments, despite the fact that I haven't used that card in years. Literally. I'm simply paying back what I owe them rom purchasing books when I was a sophomore in college.
But yea. Amidst all of the money problems...or rather underneath them...I met someone that I can't seem to forget a little while ago. From the looks of it, it appears that the feelings are not mutual. Which of course makes me question if I'm just completely bugging. But I'm trying to sit with "what is." Fun.
Also, I stopped communicating with an ex a little while ago. I think it was healthiest thing to do, but at the same time, I hate that it has to be this way. I would love to really be her friend. It doesn't seem likely though.
Additionally. I've been doing some thinking about friendships. And how we are all guilty of doing something wack to a friend, at some point. Even if the wackness is relatively small, wackness is wackness. It sucks when you're on the receiving end, but for me, it reminds me that I be on my bullshit, sometimes, too. It also reminds me of the power of seeking and giving forgiveness. By just being human, we can't help but do or say something crazy to our friends from time to time. Of course, if you're really somebody's friend, you try to keep the wackness mild and infrequent. Because you don't want your friend to get the wrong idea about your intentions.
But yea. Other than this...money and realtionships...um...I'm just tryna stay afloat above it all. Some days I definitely *feel* like I'm sinking instead, though. Whether or not this is actually true.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Centering Myself Today
A TON of work to catch up on! I've kinda taken the last couple of days a bit easier than I initially planned to. Most likely I needed to do that, though.
Last night I had fun...I hung out with my mentor/high school U.S. history teacher/Black Rose/rockstar 30-something year old friend at an Open Mic called "Fire Your Boss." FUN STUFF! I was being flirty, too, with one of the performance artists. She was def older but super hot. My mentor was so UNimpressed it was hilarious. "She has good ideas but she needs to refine them. And plus she has baggage." Lol but in general she's hard to please. I had a blast nevertheless.
But now it's time for the nitty gritty...the applications...the Master's Defense (MD from now on) work...er'ythang...
So...Ciao!
Last night I had fun...I hung out with my mentor/high school U.S. history teacher/Black Rose/rockstar 30-something year old friend at an Open Mic called "Fire Your Boss." FUN STUFF! I was being flirty, too, with one of the performance artists. She was def older but super hot. My mentor was so UNimpressed it was hilarious. "She has good ideas but she needs to refine them. And plus she has baggage." Lol but in general she's hard to please. I had a blast nevertheless.
But now it's time for the nitty gritty...the applications...the Master's Defense (MD from now on) work...er'ythang...
So...Ciao!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Hello :)
So I'm working on a lot of stuff. I'm in busy bee mode. A LOT of stuff has been going on since I last updated this blog.
First,
I made the very emotional decision to quit my job. I've learned a LOT about myself in the two years that I was with my school, and I've grown incredibly. But in the end, I was just stressed beyond my limits. Last year was an incredibly trying year for me. My nerves were completely shot by the end of the year, and I simply couldn't see myself going through it for a third year. Being a lead teacher was WORLDS away from being an assistant teacher, and I don't feel that I had the support that I needed to really feel good about things most of the year. Most of my babies can read and write well though, so I'm happy about that. But getting them to that point despite all the pressure I was under took *everything* out of me. It is very possible that I will come back to teaching after some time has passed and I've done other things. But I'm in an "explore my other options" mode.
Second,
I'm finishing up my Master's Defense. In about a week, I'll have everything done and ready to be submitted so that I can have my degree in Early Childhood Education. Despite my career moves, I feel that it's a very valuable thing to have. It's certainly something that I've worked HARD on for the past two years. I thought I was doing a terrible job with my Master's Defense, too, but I was actually one of four teachers selected to present some of my findings to the entire class of 2010 a few weeks ago. The people who run the program felt that I illuminated some really interesting and research-able links between writing ability and sight word knowledge. I was VERY NERVOUS presenting but leave it to teachers to give you nothing but praise. My colleagues were incredibly supportive :)
Third,
I've been vision boarding. Also known as posting images and words that connect to my ideal life and career on a poster. I used brown paper bags cut open for the project. It's helping to focus and motivate me as I contemplate my next steps.
Fourth,
I've just been trying to become a more organized, balanced, mindful, thoughtful and conscientious person. Some of this has meant being more in tune with my spirituality and literally asking my ancestors for strength and support. I've set up a boveda (ancestral altar) in my house...I will create a blog entry pretty soon about how to create one. Some of this has meant getting really serious about my space/time and how I interact with and respect it. I've spent this year and the past few weeks literally training and re-training myself to pick up after myself, put things in their proper places, keep my kitchen orderly, use my planner, etc. I'm DEFINITELY still in training...old habits really become part of you over time, so shedding them is especially hard. But I know that high level organization is NECESSARY for the next phase of my life. Honestly, I think learning about organization has been one of the spiritual lessons of teaching in the environment that I did.
Meanwhile...it's about to be 4 am. I really need to go to bed because I have to wash clothes and get a lot of work done tomorrow. Just wanted to update this thing because it has been a whilllle...
:)
-Sia
First,
I made the very emotional decision to quit my job. I've learned a LOT about myself in the two years that I was with my school, and I've grown incredibly. But in the end, I was just stressed beyond my limits. Last year was an incredibly trying year for me. My nerves were completely shot by the end of the year, and I simply couldn't see myself going through it for a third year. Being a lead teacher was WORLDS away from being an assistant teacher, and I don't feel that I had the support that I needed to really feel good about things most of the year. Most of my babies can read and write well though, so I'm happy about that. But getting them to that point despite all the pressure I was under took *everything* out of me. It is very possible that I will come back to teaching after some time has passed and I've done other things. But I'm in an "explore my other options" mode.
Second,
I'm finishing up my Master's Defense. In about a week, I'll have everything done and ready to be submitted so that I can have my degree in Early Childhood Education. Despite my career moves, I feel that it's a very valuable thing to have. It's certainly something that I've worked HARD on for the past two years. I thought I was doing a terrible job with my Master's Defense, too, but I was actually one of four teachers selected to present some of my findings to the entire class of 2010 a few weeks ago. The people who run the program felt that I illuminated some really interesting and research-able links between writing ability and sight word knowledge. I was VERY NERVOUS presenting but leave it to teachers to give you nothing but praise. My colleagues were incredibly supportive :)
Third,
I've been vision boarding. Also known as posting images and words that connect to my ideal life and career on a poster. I used brown paper bags cut open for the project. It's helping to focus and motivate me as I contemplate my next steps.
Fourth,
I've just been trying to become a more organized, balanced, mindful, thoughtful and conscientious person. Some of this has meant being more in tune with my spirituality and literally asking my ancestors for strength and support. I've set up a boveda (ancestral altar) in my house...I will create a blog entry pretty soon about how to create one. Some of this has meant getting really serious about my space/time and how I interact with and respect it. I've spent this year and the past few weeks literally training and re-training myself to pick up after myself, put things in their proper places, keep my kitchen orderly, use my planner, etc. I'm DEFINITELY still in training...old habits really become part of you over time, so shedding them is especially hard. But I know that high level organization is NECESSARY for the next phase of my life. Honestly, I think learning about organization has been one of the spiritual lessons of teaching in the environment that I did.
Meanwhile...it's about to be 4 am. I really need to go to bed because I have to wash clothes and get a lot of work done tomorrow. Just wanted to update this thing because it has been a whilllle...
:)
-Sia
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