For educational foundations we had to post a quick write about how many points out of 100 we would allocate for the four major purposes of education (humanism, character, economic, citizenship). I wrote this:
Humanist: 40
Character: 40
Economic: 10
Citizenship: 10
I was tempted to award all of my points to the humanist and character dimensions, but then I realized that for me, there are salient reasons for directly teaching the importance of good citizenship and the relationship of education to economic outcome. I suspect that this may especially be true in the context that I teach in, a largely low income community where the link between schooling and economic success may not be made explicit in the community itself. Teaching about character and humanism is great and absolutely the bedrock of sound teaching in my opinion, but it would not sit well with me to help create a group of highly enlightened individuals who still may not have the tools they need to improve their economic conditions and their representation in government. While educating from the humanist and character perspectives will certainly give them critical thinking skills needed to forge their own ways out of poverty and into more accurate societal and governmental representation, I believe that there needs to be at least some direct instruction in these matters.
If you haven't figured out my new fav word is 'salient' :)
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
thoughts
i.
i love people who write.
Just a random thought. Writers are so introspective and often really quiet. But there are always storms brewing beneath their quiet veneer...always always. And they may not say anything but boy when they write it [whatever /it/ may be] out...when they spell out what they are thinking and feeling inside...you can just get blown away/you just get amazed. It's why they are so loved by me.
ii.
Growth.
This has been the theme of my existence for quite some time. I feel like i've just been so changed, so much more matured and so...chiseled. Yea thats it I feel like the past few months has been a /chiseling away of/ process for me, like shit has just been falling off of me that wasn't sustainable for grown womanhood. Like I've been stepping into myself much more fully, or like I've been a crushed and folded flower that is slowly opening itself up to the sun, expanding into my fullness and it is truly beautiful and I am truly thankful for the universe's many blessings, even the ones that come in full disguise to test my resolve and my...grownness
Like...I think I just felt so lonely/misunderstood for so much of my adolescence...tortured and confused and doubtful and afraid and unwilling and unable to see truth and beauty and love and light...and I'm counting college as part of my adolescence...in fact like I've mentioned before on this blog by some definitions adolescence lasts until about 25 since this is purportedly when the brain fully matures...but I think that I am at the end of that cycle...or maybe I'm at the beginning of the end...but things just look/feel/taste/smell so much different from this point of view
[ 1 Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child: now that I am become a man, I have put away childish things]
I've just lately been feeling so much more at peace...or so much more ready to make peace with myself...much more willing to claim the light
[now we're moving from the darkness into the light/this is the defining moments of our life india.arie]
i think it's because i've been
iii.
teaching.
i've been teaching. i've been growing in my teaching. it's been amazing/sacred/artful/consciousness opening and an honor to be entrusted with lives the way i have. i learn something new everyday about myself or the world or human nature. yesterday my heart was warmed when my co-teacher told the kids that i was going to be out on january 20th...and they sighed and said "aww man!"
it was so cute. <3
in teaching i've been blessed to discover and truly contemplate and meditate on the idea that the things that truly matter are the things that are inside of you...your character...your spirit...your intentions...your heart
[you teach who you are]
when i teach my shit is spread wide open for the kids to see and access and influence and be influenced by. i've learned that it doesn't matter if externally my shit is tight/my hair is perfectfully coiffed/my clothing is impeccable/my speech is fluent and filled with empty euphemisms
if inside my shit is not tight/my heart is bleeding/i am at war with any part of myself/i am losing sleep or health or goodness/i am doubtful or mistrusting of my ability [and by extension, of their ability]
because kids deal in spirit and they are not fooled by pretty, empty packages
which causes you to rise to their occassion and step your game up and fix your inside shit so that they can have strong foundations from which to spring forth and blossom and discover
which truly causes you to spiral headfirst into adulthood if you weren't there already [if adulthood may be defined as the point in space time where you are not in denial about the impact of your presence in the universe/about the interconnectedness between all things/and about owning the weight of responsibility for all of your actions, be they small or large, good or bad]
i pray that every single one of my kids grows up to know fully their purpose and shine brightly and spread love and consciousness and healing
i pray that my presence in their lives and the presence of our school in their lives truly serves to buffer and protect them from the negative incantations of a society that says that they can't because they are
too poor
too black
[too brilliant]
[too wonderful]
i love people who write.
Just a random thought. Writers are so introspective and often really quiet. But there are always storms brewing beneath their quiet veneer...always always. And they may not say anything but boy when they write it [whatever /it/ may be] out...when they spell out what they are thinking and feeling inside...you can just get blown away/you just get amazed. It's why they are so loved by me.
ii.
Growth.
This has been the theme of my existence for quite some time. I feel like i've just been so changed, so much more matured and so...chiseled. Yea thats it I feel like the past few months has been a /chiseling away of/ process for me, like shit has just been falling off of me that wasn't sustainable for grown womanhood. Like I've been stepping into myself much more fully, or like I've been a crushed and folded flower that is slowly opening itself up to the sun, expanding into my fullness and it is truly beautiful and I am truly thankful for the universe's many blessings, even the ones that come in full disguise to test my resolve and my...grownness
Like...I think I just felt so lonely/misunderstood for so much of my adolescence...tortured and confused and doubtful and afraid and unwilling and unable to see truth and beauty and love and light...and I'm counting college as part of my adolescence...in fact like I've mentioned before on this blog by some definitions adolescence lasts until about 25 since this is purportedly when the brain fully matures...but I think that I am at the end of that cycle...or maybe I'm at the beginning of the end...but things just look/feel/taste/smell so much different from this point of view
[ 1 Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child: now that I am become a man, I have put away childish things]
I've just lately been feeling so much more at peace...or so much more ready to make peace with myself...much more willing to claim the light
[now we're moving from the darkness into the light/this is the defining moments of our life india.arie]
i think it's because i've been
iii.
teaching.
i've been teaching. i've been growing in my teaching. it's been amazing/sacred/artful/consciousness opening and an honor to be entrusted with lives the way i have. i learn something new everyday about myself or the world or human nature. yesterday my heart was warmed when my co-teacher told the kids that i was going to be out on january 20th...and they sighed and said "aww man!"
it was so cute. <3
in teaching i've been blessed to discover and truly contemplate and meditate on the idea that the things that truly matter are the things that are inside of you...your character...your spirit...your intentions...your heart
[you teach who you are]
when i teach my shit is spread wide open for the kids to see and access and influence and be influenced by. i've learned that it doesn't matter if externally my shit is tight/my hair is perfectfully coiffed/my clothing is impeccable/my speech is fluent and filled with empty euphemisms
if inside my shit is not tight/my heart is bleeding/i am at war with any part of myself/i am losing sleep or health or goodness/i am doubtful or mistrusting of my ability [and by extension, of their ability]
because kids deal in spirit and they are not fooled by pretty, empty packages
which causes you to rise to their occassion and step your game up and fix your inside shit so that they can have strong foundations from which to spring forth and blossom and discover
which truly causes you to spiral headfirst into adulthood if you weren't there already [if adulthood may be defined as the point in space time where you are not in denial about the impact of your presence in the universe/about the interconnectedness between all things/and about owning the weight of responsibility for all of your actions, be they small or large, good or bad]
i pray that every single one of my kids grows up to know fully their purpose and shine brightly and spread love and consciousness and healing
i pray that my presence in their lives and the presence of our school in their lives truly serves to buffer and protect them from the negative incantations of a society that says that they can't because they are
too poor
too black
[too brilliant]
[too wonderful]
Friday, September 26, 2008
A Teacher
So. I'm getting used -finally- to the idea that I'm like,
a teacher.
Like, a teacher.
It was a rough introductory period. I was like,
"um, am I like, a teacher now? And...what in the hell does that really mean?? And what in the hell am I supposed to say to a roomful of cute but cranky 5 year olds??"
And...i'm still not allll the way there. Still got a huge learning curve to go up.
But it's quite frankly amazing to me that my principal saw something in me that made her think that I was cut out for the job. Granted, it's an assistant teaching position...i'm expected to be still learning and developing the craft at this point. It's just that I feel so shaky sometimes, so unprepared, so new, so undeveloped. But...i'm here. Working on emergency certification and my masters at once. Not quite sure how this all fell into my lap sooo quickly, and still trying to catch my SELF up with the speed of my life, but i'm glad to be here. Even as I continue to sort through everything and figure out how to best support my co-teacher and my kids. My co-workers are amazing (we go out for happy hour every week! lol), everyone works sooo hard, the kids are beautiful (love them more everyday)...
But yea...I'm trying to catch up with the speed of my life. Cuz shit is going fast. Also trying to learn to not abuse my body...trying to learn to go to sleep at human hours and eat like I'm trying to be around for the next fifty years or so.
I'm also dating someone, like i said before. Talk about things quickly falling into my lap! We are definitely polar opposites in terms of personality and I never would have thought that our paths would cross the way they are crossing...but they are...and it's cool...
random thought of the moment
"Lemme fix my hur for i go inside, 'ey!"
-Beyonce
a teacher.
Like, a teacher.
It was a rough introductory period. I was like,
"um, am I like, a teacher now? And...what in the hell does that really mean?? And what in the hell am I supposed to say to a roomful of cute but cranky 5 year olds??"
And...i'm still not allll the way there. Still got a huge learning curve to go up.
But it's quite frankly amazing to me that my principal saw something in me that made her think that I was cut out for the job. Granted, it's an assistant teaching position...i'm expected to be still learning and developing the craft at this point. It's just that I feel so shaky sometimes, so unprepared, so new, so undeveloped. But...i'm here. Working on emergency certification and my masters at once. Not quite sure how this all fell into my lap sooo quickly, and still trying to catch my SELF up with the speed of my life, but i'm glad to be here. Even as I continue to sort through everything and figure out how to best support my co-teacher and my kids. My co-workers are amazing (we go out for happy hour every week! lol), everyone works sooo hard, the kids are beautiful (love them more everyday)...
But yea...I'm trying to catch up with the speed of my life. Cuz shit is going fast. Also trying to learn to not abuse my body...trying to learn to go to sleep at human hours and eat like I'm trying to be around for the next fifty years or so.
I'm also dating someone, like i said before. Talk about things quickly falling into my lap! We are definitely polar opposites in terms of personality and I never would have thought that our paths would cross the way they are crossing...but they are...and it's cool...
random thought of the moment
"Lemme fix my hur for i go inside, 'ey!"
-Beyonce
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
'Teacher, I want Mommy' and other fun ditties
School starting Monday has been exhausting/stressful. I'm part of a founding team of a brand new school, so we've been working long hours to get systems in place and debrief EVERYTHING. I'm also brand new to teaching itself.
It's been real.
Realer than real.
I've done all this prep for differentiating work for all levels of learners...for dealing with kids with attention deficits and learning disabilities...but the shit you learn in books or secondhand from someone else just never compares to what you deal with when ur in a real live kid's face.
*Sigh
I haven't been able to quite process/articulate much of anything about it yet, but here's a first try
*Alot of kids are STILL crying for their mommies when they come in the mornings (today being day 3). But we're talking about kindergartners and first graders here, little people who don't even have their motor skills on right yet
*I used to not believe in ADHD for real until I met this kid in my class...who WILL NOT SIT STILL...
*I didn't know how I felt about the whole uniforms biz (wasn't against it, but wasn't exactly partial to it, either) but seeing them all in their burgundy and sky blue is the cuuuutest thing in the world. They're sooo little
*Well, most of them are. There's a few that make you go 'whoah are you surrre you're in the right class???'
*A beginning 'kids say the darndest things' list
-'Teacher I have diarrhea!!' -->a kindergarten boy, whilst taking a routine shit as teacher (me) stood outside about to have a heart attack
-'I like the white one, she's nice' -->multiple kids, whilst describing a bohemian white male teacher with shoulder length brown hair who they haven't quite figured out is a dude
*There are roaches in the building in the daytime...not okay. Not. Okay. And not fun when a critter disrupts a lesson on classroom management
*The first nine days of school (the days before labor day, when school starts for most kids in DOE-department of education in nyc-schools) is focused largely on routines and getting kids accustcomed to school culture. So I have to be all stern and threatening to kids so that they know how to behave in school when they're really making me melt on the inside with all their cuteness
*There are several readers in my class (that's pretty damn good for K), but one of them is far, far advanced. I almost think she could be in first grade
*Then there's another kid...who loooves getting in trouble and being on the teacher's bad side because he's starved for attention...OMG this kid drains my energy by noon. Thing is if it wasn't for his constant 'yikes! yellow' behavior (sigh...color coded behavior chart...perfect purple, good green, oh no! orange, yikes! yellow...kids start on green everyday) I could focus on his uber cuteness. he's so darn adorable
*There is exactly one white kid in the school. He's too cute. It's also too funny how much he sticks out like a sore thumb. But he doesn't quite seem to know that he's 'different.' He doesn't seem to think that he's out of place around the shitload of Black/Latino kids that make up my school.
In other news, I feel my body beginning to finally adjust to this new schedule so i'll be back on my explore nyc ish again soon i think. Yay!
It's been real.
Realer than real.
I've done all this prep for differentiating work for all levels of learners...for dealing with kids with attention deficits and learning disabilities...but the shit you learn in books or secondhand from someone else just never compares to what you deal with when ur in a real live kid's face.
*Sigh
I haven't been able to quite process/articulate much of anything about it yet, but here's a first try
*Alot of kids are STILL crying for their mommies when they come in the mornings (today being day 3). But we're talking about kindergartners and first graders here, little people who don't even have their motor skills on right yet
*I used to not believe in ADHD for real until I met this kid in my class...who WILL NOT SIT STILL...
*I didn't know how I felt about the whole uniforms biz (wasn't against it, but wasn't exactly partial to it, either) but seeing them all in their burgundy and sky blue is the cuuuutest thing in the world. They're sooo little
*Well, most of them are. There's a few that make you go 'whoah are you surrre you're in the right class???'
*A beginning 'kids say the darndest things' list
-'Teacher I have diarrhea!!' -->a kindergarten boy, whilst taking a routine shit as teacher (me) stood outside about to have a heart attack
-'I like the white one, she's nice' -->multiple kids, whilst describing a bohemian white male teacher with shoulder length brown hair who they haven't quite figured out is a dude
*There are roaches in the building in the daytime...not okay. Not. Okay. And not fun when a critter disrupts a lesson on classroom management
*The first nine days of school (the days before labor day, when school starts for most kids in DOE-department of education in nyc-schools) is focused largely on routines and getting kids accustcomed to school culture. So I have to be all stern and threatening to kids so that they know how to behave in school when they're really making me melt on the inside with all their cuteness
*There are several readers in my class (that's pretty damn good for K), but one of them is far, far advanced. I almost think she could be in first grade
*Then there's another kid...who loooves getting in trouble and being on the teacher's bad side because he's starved for attention...OMG this kid drains my energy by noon. Thing is if it wasn't for his constant 'yikes! yellow' behavior (sigh...color coded behavior chart...perfect purple, good green, oh no! orange, yikes! yellow...kids start on green everyday) I could focus on his uber cuteness. he's so darn adorable
*There is exactly one white kid in the school. He's too cute. It's also too funny how much he sticks out like a sore thumb. But he doesn't quite seem to know that he's 'different.' He doesn't seem to think that he's out of place around the shitload of Black/Latino kids that make up my school.
In other news, I feel my body beginning to finally adjust to this new schedule so i'll be back on my explore nyc ish again soon i think. Yay!
Friday, August 1, 2008
Humbled
Dead Prez:
They schools can't teach us shit
My people need freedom
We tryna get all we could get
All my high school teachers
Could suck my dick
Tellin me white man lies, straight bullshit
What are they teachin our kids in these school buildings...
(stop tellin lies to our babies!!)
I'm humbled. I have completed the first cycle of the teacher program @Hunter...I'm again excited to begin teaching, even though I cried today because I made all these mistakes during a mock lesson plan we had to do...I put a lot of work into it...but I was so exhausted from the intensity of the program all week...and plus there's simply so much shit i don't yet know about being a good teacher...but the folks who run the program are so fuckin supportive...they gave me all this positive feedback...i really love how friggin egalitarian they are...there's all this belief they have in me and the other teachers, no matter what our level of experience...they truly believe that if ur heart is there, good teachers are always made...it takes practice...i see why...i'm very glad that i get to practice teaching for a year since I'll be an assistant teacher for the school I'm with, not the lead. So I can make all my blunders (not the type that would be detrimental to a baby's learning though) from a safe position...there are so many amazing movers and shakers in the world of education that i've been exposed to...i have to send folks emails of thanks because i've been so inspired all week...the only thing i don't completely vibe with...is this intense focus on closing the 'achievement gap' between black kids and white kids...i'm like fuck that, let's go beyond the quote unquote standard...cuz even the standard in this country sucks...but that's radical ole me...but yea, on the other hand, i'm glad that the program does provide some sort of real analysis on the fact that education in this country DOES especially suck for black, brown, and poor people...i'm glad we really touched on race and racism in a lot of our readings...i have to read the remainder of this amazing book
I was exposed (through a video) to this amazing man...if u ever get a chance to hear a lecture by jeff duncan andrade, don't miss it...
They schools can't teach us shit
My people need freedom
We tryna get all we could get
All my high school teachers
Could suck my dick
Tellin me white man lies, straight bullshit
What are they teachin our kids in these school buildings...
(stop tellin lies to our babies!!)
I'm humbled. I have completed the first cycle of the teacher program @Hunter...I'm again excited to begin teaching, even though I cried today because I made all these mistakes during a mock lesson plan we had to do...I put a lot of work into it...but I was so exhausted from the intensity of the program all week...and plus there's simply so much shit i don't yet know about being a good teacher...but the folks who run the program are so fuckin supportive...they gave me all this positive feedback...i really love how friggin egalitarian they are...there's all this belief they have in me and the other teachers, no matter what our level of experience...they truly believe that if ur heart is there, good teachers are always made...it takes practice...i see why...i'm very glad that i get to practice teaching for a year since I'll be an assistant teacher for the school I'm with, not the lead. So I can make all my blunders (not the type that would be detrimental to a baby's learning though) from a safe position...there are so many amazing movers and shakers in the world of education that i've been exposed to...i have to send folks emails of thanks because i've been so inspired all week...the only thing i don't completely vibe with...is this intense focus on closing the 'achievement gap' between black kids and white kids...i'm like fuck that, let's go beyond the quote unquote standard...cuz even the standard in this country sucks...but that's radical ole me...but yea, on the other hand, i'm glad that the program does provide some sort of real analysis on the fact that education in this country DOES especially suck for black, brown, and poor people...i'm glad we really touched on race and racism in a lot of our readings...i have to read the remainder of this amazing book
I was exposed (through a video) to this amazing man...if u ever get a chance to hear a lecture by jeff duncan andrade, don't miss it...
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Kindergarten
I just got back from the Hunter program not too long ago...
I just feel compelled to blog...again...because I had SUCH an amazing experience today @ school. Today our entire lecture was centered on the art of effective classroom management. I was really challenged to grow today, and we had an entire presentation by a PHENOMENAL principal and educator from a charter school in Newark, NJ. Like...her presentation blew me away. She taught us about classroom management by putting us in the place of the students we'll be dealing with, modeling behavior with us so we could get some approximation of what it feels like to be a young learner again annnd so that we could learn the info she was presenting in a manner that was different from the typical workshop format that would truly stick to our memories. I was resistant at first to being treated like a kid...especially when she corrected how I wrote my own damn notes...but by the end, I was SOLD. It was such an inspiring day for me...that I wrote a little um...poem thing? ballad? about the feelings today inspired in me. I really connected with the budding educator in me today...we were in alignment, and were just really feeling each other's vibes. I really...GOT today how deeply revolutionary the teaching profession can be. I found myself anticipating and feeling mad affection for my students, most who I haven't even seen yet...kinda like a parent who anticipates and joyfully prepares for a child just conceived. I felt so ecstatic on the train ride home today that I had to get it out on paper. I hope you (the general you) can just get an idea of what I was feeling when I wrote the words...how humbled and honored I feel to be entrusted with the job of helping kids get in touch with their ability to learn and grow, of finding that precious balance between guiding them through the world safely and giving them the freedom to develop into their authentic selves, without imposing upon them archaic rules and limitations which have their soul-snuffing basis in colonization, domination and oppression.
In the spirit of sharing, I give you
Kinder Garden
Not having known you,
I already love you
And am creating space in my awareness
For your arrival
I'm pruning old, dying, and dead edges of me
Tearing down poison plants grown
From the soil of my conditioning
and clearing away bags of clutter
(deposited by old masters not myself)
So that when you come in,
There will be boundless room for you to
move
j
u
m
p
S T R E T C H
change me beyond belief
think
and breathe
Clean oxygenated air
and eat
Fresh fruits vegetables and grains
and drink
Plenty of fresh water
And love yourself
And the wide world
Without qualifiers
or endings(.)
<3
Maybe rather than a poem, it is the beginning of my teaching philosophy.
Meanwhile...
I have developed a strong desire to get my bottom lip pierced, on the side diagonal to my nose piercing. Wonder if a funky kindergarten teacher can fly...maybe I can get some real small, inconspicuous flesh toned jewel to wear for a while.
I just feel compelled to blog...again...because I had SUCH an amazing experience today @ school. Today our entire lecture was centered on the art of effective classroom management. I was really challenged to grow today, and we had an entire presentation by a PHENOMENAL principal and educator from a charter school in Newark, NJ. Like...her presentation blew me away. She taught us about classroom management by putting us in the place of the students we'll be dealing with, modeling behavior with us so we could get some approximation of what it feels like to be a young learner again annnd so that we could learn the info she was presenting in a manner that was different from the typical workshop format that would truly stick to our memories. I was resistant at first to being treated like a kid...especially when she corrected how I wrote my own damn notes...but by the end, I was SOLD. It was such an inspiring day for me...that I wrote a little um...poem thing? ballad? about the feelings today inspired in me. I really connected with the budding educator in me today...we were in alignment, and were just really feeling each other's vibes. I really...GOT today how deeply revolutionary the teaching profession can be. I found myself anticipating and feeling mad affection for my students, most who I haven't even seen yet...kinda like a parent who anticipates and joyfully prepares for a child just conceived. I felt so ecstatic on the train ride home today that I had to get it out on paper. I hope you (the general you) can just get an idea of what I was feeling when I wrote the words...how humbled and honored I feel to be entrusted with the job of helping kids get in touch with their ability to learn and grow, of finding that precious balance between guiding them through the world safely and giving them the freedom to develop into their authentic selves, without imposing upon them archaic rules and limitations which have their soul-snuffing basis in colonization, domination and oppression.
In the spirit of sharing, I give you
Kinder Garden
Not having known you,
I already love you
And am creating space in my awareness
For your arrival
I'm pruning old, dying, and dead edges of me
Tearing down poison plants grown
From the soil of my conditioning
and clearing away bags of clutter
(deposited by old masters not myself)
So that when you come in,
There will be boundless room for you to
move
j
u
m
p
S T R E T C H
change me beyond belief
think
and breathe
Clean oxygenated air
and eat
Fresh fruits vegetables and grains
and drink
Plenty of fresh water
And love yourself
And the wide world
Without qualifiers
or endings(.)
<3
Maybe rather than a poem, it is the beginning of my teaching philosophy.
Meanwhile...
I have developed a strong desire to get my bottom lip pierced, on the side diagonal to my nose piercing. Wonder if a funky kindergarten teacher can fly...maybe I can get some real small, inconspicuous flesh toned jewel to wear for a while.
Monday, July 28, 2008
On Being Nice...and Oppressive
Definitely been guilty of this. And I should know better, as much as I hate when it's done to me:
::Ellen says something I find funny, and I think to myself, That is so funny, and then, without my necessarily recognizing it, I say to myself Ellen is so funny. Notice how my initial experience (that I was amused) turns into something about her (now she is funny).
It may seem odd to you that we're urging you not to make statements of this sort: "Carlos, I just want you to know how much I appreciate how generous you are" (or: "what a good sense of humor you have" or "that you always know the right thing to say"), or "Alice, you are so patient" (or, "so prompt," or "so never-say-die," "always there when you are needed"), and so on...These seem like such nice things to say to someone. What could possibly be the problem with saying them?
The problem we see is this: the person, inevitably and quite properly, relates what you say to how she knows herself to be. You can tell Carlos he is generous, but he knows how generous he actually is. You can tell Alice she is very patient, but she knows her side of how patient she is being with you.
If we characterize people, even if we do so quite positively, we actually engage-however unintentionally-in the rather presumptuous activity of entitling ourselves to say who and how the other is. We entitle ourselves to confer upon people the sources of their worthiness. We say, "This is the shape of the person," or if we are direct, "This is your shape." We dress the person in a suit of psychological clothes. As much as they might appreciate the fancy quality of the cloth, they are likely to feel, "Well, it doesn't exactly fit. You need to let out a bit here, take in a lot there."::
Emphasis mine.
This is from a reading I have to do for class at Hunter College, which started today. From a book: How The Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work by Robert Kogan and Lisa Laklow
Wow. What a presumptuous bitch I can be sometimes...what an oppressive way to walk around in the world while remaining under the guise of "niceness"...it makes me want to read the book. Shit. Navigating interpersonal relationships is so tricky in this world. This is what I like about class and school, sometimes...sometimes when you're given the right language to illuminate why certain things are the way they are, or how other things should be different...your whole world kinda shifts a little to the left. (Random song interlude:: "to the left, to the left, everything you own in a box to the left..." Resume.) Even if you had some vague notion before about why some shit just ain't right...finding the language to place it in context is really a powerful thing.
::Ellen says something I find funny, and I think to myself, That is so funny, and then, without my necessarily recognizing it, I say to myself Ellen is so funny. Notice how my initial experience (that I was amused) turns into something about her (now she is funny).
It may seem odd to you that we're urging you not to make statements of this sort: "Carlos, I just want you to know how much I appreciate how generous you are" (or: "what a good sense of humor you have" or "that you always know the right thing to say"), or "Alice, you are so patient" (or, "so prompt," or "so never-say-die," "always there when you are needed"), and so on...These seem like such nice things to say to someone. What could possibly be the problem with saying them?
The problem we see is this: the person, inevitably and quite properly, relates what you say to how she knows herself to be. You can tell Carlos he is generous, but he knows how generous he actually is. You can tell Alice she is very patient, but she knows her side of how patient she is being with you.
If we characterize people, even if we do so quite positively, we actually engage-however unintentionally-in the rather presumptuous activity of entitling ourselves to say who and how the other is. We entitle ourselves to confer upon people the sources of their worthiness. We say, "This is the shape of the person," or if we are direct, "This is your shape." We dress the person in a suit of psychological clothes. As much as they might appreciate the fancy quality of the cloth, they are likely to feel, "Well, it doesn't exactly fit. You need to let out a bit here, take in a lot there."::
Emphasis mine.
This is from a reading I have to do for class at Hunter College, which started today. From a book: How The Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work by Robert Kogan and Lisa Laklow
Wow. What a presumptuous bitch I can be sometimes...what an oppressive way to walk around in the world while remaining under the guise of "niceness"...it makes me want to read the book. Shit. Navigating interpersonal relationships is so tricky in this world. This is what I like about class and school, sometimes...sometimes when you're given the right language to illuminate why certain things are the way they are, or how other things should be different...your whole world kinda shifts a little to the left. (Random song interlude:: "to the left, to the left, everything you own in a box to the left..." Resume.) Even if you had some vague notion before about why some shit just ain't right...finding the language to place it in context is really a powerful thing.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Rocky Mount
My family is away in Rocky Mount, North Carolina, participating in the first ever first-cousins reunion for my mother's side of the family. I was supposed to go with them...but I opted out, because I start a graduate school program in early childhood education (that kinda "fell" into my lap and complements my post-graduation job as a kindergarten co-teacher at a charter school...I kinda feel like I haven't had adequate time to rest up from graduation! But that's neither here nor there at this point), and I want to be as well rested and prepared as possible. Though...I'm kind of sad that I didn't go, because I've never been to a family reunion before, and i have never really felt connected to my extended family, on either my mother's or my father's side of the family. Hopefully there will be other opportunities to try and forge connections. I'm kinda tired of feeling like I'm sorta floating in the winds, like I have no roots, no tangible point of origin that I can point to and say, "yep, that's home, those are my folks. I'm not the lone crazy bitch afterall..."
Fantasies.
But as part of preparation for the grad school program, I have to take a couple of online workshops. One of them is entitled "School Violence Prevention," and there's a segment on suicide. It just got me thinking...about how navigating adolescence in our society is so tricky, and confusing, and downright depressing at times...how much support a child/young adult needs to be able to rise above the impulse of killing themselves off before their life has even actually begun...I wonder if there is anyone who has not thought at one point in their lives that they would rather be dead, especially at any point in adolescence...I wonder if fighting off the urge to kill oneself is a familiar narrative in the human story? And it can be such a strong impulse...Suicide can seem so seductive when it feels as if there is no way out of the small, restrictive, airtight narrow space that might be one's life under certain circumstances and points in time. The less support that a child/teen/young adult has in dealing with rage and depression and despair...the easier it is to be seduced. (And by "less" I'm not referring to quantity, as if there is a set formula of what "support" looks like for every soul. Everybody is different...but I think EVERYONE needs more than just their own internal dialogue when these kinds of feelings arise. An external system of support is needed to help redirect the flow of conversation going on inside. When you're depressed there is nothing presently inside of you that can make it better, because all the stuff unfolding inside you is what's chaining you to your depression; sitting alone with your thoughts without reaching out to or having access to SOME external anchor to help ground you can just make it worse.)
I think for me, the period of my life that was really hard for me...where shit inside just hurt so much, and I was dealing with this uncontrollable depression and inward rage and feeling as if my insides were just going to bust apart from all the shit it was holding onto were my first two years of college.
When I was 18. 19.
I remember wanting to die on a regular basis. I thought about what it would be like to take my life.
But I never became suicidal to the point where I actually made conscious, direct attempts to take my own life. I never quite crossed over into that land. Luckily it got better before it got worse though...it just scares me that that's not the case for so many young people.
::Moment of silence::
I wrote so much, trying to get the shit all out. I began to see a counselor (not a therapist, since oddly Hampton didn't have a licensed psychologist on staff to see students, but Ms. Cortez was still just what I needed at the time). But besides Ms. Cortez and my writings, I think another thing that anchored me while the storm was passing...was that I had 1/32nd of a glimmer of a vague belief, an ::audacious hope:: almost (the irony of paraphrasing Obama is not lost to me), that things might possibly be better in the future, if I could just make it through...
Growing old enough to have things happen to me that counterbalanced all the stupid shit has been such a blessing...growing old enough to really see that this shit called life is cyclical, that when storms come through, they're never there to stay forever...they only stay until they're done molding and changing you into the person you need to be to handle the next phase of your life, and some of what you will experience in that next phase will be untold joy and gratitude to the Creator that you decided to stay alive to see what was around the long bend, because it was better than anything that a premature death could've possibly given you.
As one of my friends says, life is such an adventure, even the sucky parts. Because you can be sure that there is something else coming around the corner. And it doesn't end...your soul is always on this journey to learn and evolve and pick up new shit
...and it is so beautiful despite its imperfections.
(p.s. if you're reading this and you are contemplating suicide, get help NOW. Contact one of these national, toll-free suicide hotlines:
1-800-SUICIDE
(1-800-784-2433)
1-800-273-TALK
(1-800-273-8255)
TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)
<3
((Later on))
Yo...I have been listening to my old Res CD. I realizing again how much I fucking love whoever her songwriter is. Like, seriously. Thank you Res songwriters, write some moooreeee!!! And her voice is amazing. Like...I wish Res wasn't a one-CD wonder. It makes me sad :(
Like the dork that I kinda am, I wrote down some of my fav lyrics from her songs:
I could've sworn our future was set in stone/but I guess some things it's just as well for God to know/so now I concentrate on turning wrong to right/I'm gonna let go things I've held inside so tight/I'm gonna live and let forgive things said in spite/so clear out the smoke and usher in the light
-In Tsunami
And when the sun runs out/no doubts left standing/we'll see if Jah wills/that we're alone again/let love slip through our fingers I say
-In Let Love
Still come around when luck's down/you're all alone I'm sure (maybe you're scared to go...maybe you're scared to go)/Well I ain't gon be there for ya/And I ain't gon be your love no more
Tell you let's/push all excuses aside/don't worry about my feelings/what you've got something to hide? (so why you telling me those same old lies?)
If there ain't nothing/we can do/now then it's cool/but I'd rather be alone/than play like someone's fool
-In If There Ain't Nothing
Look as far as I can see/your head is blocking my TV (move out the way kid!)/what you want for me to say/I said whatever/go away
To get inside this head of mine/would take a monkey wrench/and a lot of wine
-In How I Do
Just another wasted one/like a fallen star in Babylon/you said I was your princess baby/I told you certain things you can't possess/so let me go, let me go/cuz I, I've given until I break/the ground beneath us quakes/how can we grow when we've only begun/forsaken beneath the sun
Although I've seen your wickedness/I still love your effervescence/and i know that loving you don't make no sense/I guess that's why I like it/Just another priceless pawn/all our dreams are now foregone
-In Ice King
Why don't you tell me what you're scared of/You make me breathe so easy/and I'm a mess with reminders of you
Impulse traveler/why can't you stay with me tonight/what your soul taste like baby/and all them tell me I should take it slow/Don't wanna find myself too deep in/So I keep stumbling
-In 700 Mile Situation
Industry's down think I've died and I've flown away/so so long to them thieves who came and took all the things to say
-In They Say Vision
Don't you get tired of the show/the kissing ass of all the people that you wanna know/when I was young I thought you had it won/I saw you on TV/you made life look fun/But years go by and people grow/I realized it's all a freak show
-In Golden Boys
Not soft but supple/come with all you've got/my wings won't ruffle/victory is sweet but I ain't scared to lose
In my house/the moon still shines in the day/but there's a lot of old bills I gotta pay
I'll be on my own/it don't matter-I'm grown/I won't be singing no sad songs in the lay/And I rub you wrong/Baby I come on strong/I got no mind to cushion what I say
-In The Hustler
One of these days, days/the gig is up/shouldn't we take the time now to show our love
Bye, bye roses/I've got me a hand that's bittersweet/but I don't care/I've known the garden
She was always my best friend/never late/coffee ice cream made her smile/and now she's left and gone away/and I'm here by myself another day
-In I've Known the Garden
Fantasies.
But as part of preparation for the grad school program, I have to take a couple of online workshops. One of them is entitled "School Violence Prevention," and there's a segment on suicide. It just got me thinking...about how navigating adolescence in our society is so tricky, and confusing, and downright depressing at times...how much support a child/young adult needs to be able to rise above the impulse of killing themselves off before their life has even actually begun...I wonder if there is anyone who has not thought at one point in their lives that they would rather be dead, especially at any point in adolescence...I wonder if fighting off the urge to kill oneself is a familiar narrative in the human story? And it can be such a strong impulse...Suicide can seem so seductive when it feels as if there is no way out of the small, restrictive, airtight narrow space that might be one's life under certain circumstances and points in time. The less support that a child/teen/young adult has in dealing with rage and depression and despair...the easier it is to be seduced. (And by "less" I'm not referring to quantity, as if there is a set formula of what "support" looks like for every soul. Everybody is different...but I think EVERYONE needs more than just their own internal dialogue when these kinds of feelings arise. An external system of support is needed to help redirect the flow of conversation going on inside. When you're depressed there is nothing presently inside of you that can make it better, because all the stuff unfolding inside you is what's chaining you to your depression; sitting alone with your thoughts without reaching out to or having access to SOME external anchor to help ground you can just make it worse.)
I think for me, the period of my life that was really hard for me...where shit inside just hurt so much, and I was dealing with this uncontrollable depression and inward rage and feeling as if my insides were just going to bust apart from all the shit it was holding onto were my first two years of college.
When I was 18. 19.
I remember wanting to die on a regular basis. I thought about what it would be like to take my life.
But I never became suicidal to the point where I actually made conscious, direct attempts to take my own life. I never quite crossed over into that land. Luckily it got better before it got worse though...it just scares me that that's not the case for so many young people.
::Moment of silence::
I wrote so much, trying to get the shit all out. I began to see a counselor (not a therapist, since oddly Hampton didn't have a licensed psychologist on staff to see students, but Ms. Cortez was still just what I needed at the time). But besides Ms. Cortez and my writings, I think another thing that anchored me while the storm was passing...was that I had 1/32nd of a glimmer of a vague belief, an ::audacious hope:: almost (the irony of paraphrasing Obama is not lost to me), that things might possibly be better in the future, if I could just make it through...
Growing old enough to have things happen to me that counterbalanced all the stupid shit has been such a blessing...growing old enough to really see that this shit called life is cyclical, that when storms come through, they're never there to stay forever...they only stay until they're done molding and changing you into the person you need to be to handle the next phase of your life, and some of what you will experience in that next phase will be untold joy and gratitude to the Creator that you decided to stay alive to see what was around the long bend, because it was better than anything that a premature death could've possibly given you.
As one of my friends says, life is such an adventure, even the sucky parts. Because you can be sure that there is something else coming around the corner. And it doesn't end...your soul is always on this journey to learn and evolve and pick up new shit
...and it is so beautiful despite its imperfections.
(p.s. if you're reading this and you are contemplating suicide, get help NOW. Contact one of these national, toll-free suicide hotlines:
1-800-SUICIDE
(1-800-784-2433)
1-800-273-TALK
(1-800-273-8255)
TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)
<3
((Later on))
Yo...I have been listening to my old Res CD. I realizing again how much I fucking love whoever her songwriter is. Like, seriously. Thank you Res songwriters, write some moooreeee!!! And her voice is amazing. Like...I wish Res wasn't a one-CD wonder. It makes me sad :(
Like the dork that I kinda am, I wrote down some of my fav lyrics from her songs:
I could've sworn our future was set in stone/but I guess some things it's just as well for God to know/so now I concentrate on turning wrong to right/I'm gonna let go things I've held inside so tight/I'm gonna live and let forgive things said in spite/so clear out the smoke and usher in the light
-In Tsunami
And when the sun runs out/no doubts left standing/we'll see if Jah wills/that we're alone again/let love slip through our fingers I say
-In Let Love
Still come around when luck's down/you're all alone I'm sure (maybe you're scared to go...maybe you're scared to go)/Well I ain't gon be there for ya/And I ain't gon be your love no more
Tell you let's/push all excuses aside/don't worry about my feelings/what you've got something to hide? (so why you telling me those same old lies?)
If there ain't nothing/we can do/now then it's cool/but I'd rather be alone/than play like someone's fool
-In If There Ain't Nothing
Look as far as I can see/your head is blocking my TV (move out the way kid!)/what you want for me to say/I said whatever/go away
To get inside this head of mine/would take a monkey wrench/and a lot of wine
-In How I Do
Just another wasted one/like a fallen star in Babylon/you said I was your princess baby/I told you certain things you can't possess/so let me go, let me go/cuz I, I've given until I break/the ground beneath us quakes/how can we grow when we've only begun/forsaken beneath the sun
Although I've seen your wickedness/I still love your effervescence/and i know that loving you don't make no sense/I guess that's why I like it/Just another priceless pawn/all our dreams are now foregone
-In Ice King
Why don't you tell me what you're scared of/You make me breathe so easy/and I'm a mess with reminders of you
Impulse traveler/why can't you stay with me tonight/what your soul taste like baby/and all them tell me I should take it slow/Don't wanna find myself too deep in/So I keep stumbling
-In 700 Mile Situation
Industry's down think I've died and I've flown away/so so long to them thieves who came and took all the things to say
-In They Say Vision
Don't you get tired of the show/the kissing ass of all the people that you wanna know/when I was young I thought you had it won/I saw you on TV/you made life look fun/But years go by and people grow/I realized it's all a freak show
-In Golden Boys
Not soft but supple/come with all you've got/my wings won't ruffle/victory is sweet but I ain't scared to lose
In my house/the moon still shines in the day/but there's a lot of old bills I gotta pay
I'll be on my own/it don't matter-I'm grown/I won't be singing no sad songs in the lay/And I rub you wrong/Baby I come on strong/I got no mind to cushion what I say
-In The Hustler
One of these days, days/the gig is up/shouldn't we take the time now to show our love
Bye, bye roses/I've got me a hand that's bittersweet/but I don't care/I've known the garden
She was always my best friend/never late/coffee ice cream made her smile/and now she's left and gone away/and I'm here by myself another day
-In I've Known the Garden
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)