Catharsis (?)

This post is finna be cathartic. Maybe. That's what I'm telling myself. I need some sort of non-twitter, non-facebook internet outlet. I think. Blogger to the rescue? Let's see.

There's a lot of stuff in my brain. I've been having a lot of down days this week, of varying intensities. This money shit is like...bananas. This not having a job isht is completely unfunny and I'm over it. I'm going to file for unemployment tomorrow, online. And food stamps. I've already sent an email today trying to get Hunter College off my back...I can't pay you $1000 dude, I have no income. I've also sent a request for deferment for my undergrad loans (I have small ones despite my mainly full scholarship). No luck trying to convince Bank of America to go easy on me with the credit card payments, despite the fact that I haven't used that card in years. Literally. I'm simply paying back what I owe them rom purchasing books when I was a sophomore in college.

But yea. Amidst all of the money problems...or rather underneath them...I met someone that I can't seem to forget a little while ago. From the looks of it, it appears that the feelings are not mutual. Which of course makes me question if I'm just completely bugging. But I'm trying to sit with "what is." Fun.

Also, I stopped communicating with an ex a little while ago. I think it was healthiest thing to do, but at the same time, I hate that it has to be this way. I would love to really be her friend. It doesn't seem likely though.

Additionally. I've been doing some thinking about friendships. And how we are all guilty of doing something wack to a friend, at some point. Even if the wackness is relatively small, wackness is wackness. It sucks when you're on the receiving end, but for me, it reminds me that I be on my bullshit, sometimes, too. It also reminds me of the power of seeking and giving forgiveness. By just being human, we can't help but do or say something crazy to our friends from time to time. Of course, if you're really somebody's friend, you try to keep the wackness mild and infrequent. Because you don't want your friend to get the wrong idea about your intentions.

But yea. Other than this...money and realtionships...um...I'm just tryna stay afloat above it all. Some days I definitely *feel* like I'm sinking instead, though. Whether or not this is actually true.