I went to New Orleans

And I saw the drastic differences between the levees in the French Quarter and the Lower 9th ward.

I went to New Orleans and I cried and laughed and smoked three joints out of loneliness and connectedness and spiritual awakening and exhaustion.

I went to New Orleans and I wondered if I could ever feel so in love with an experience, a place, an entity again?

I went to New Orleans and I sometimes thought that I would die from the weight of the hatred aimed with precision at my people.

I went to New Orleans and learned that alcohol splits spirit from body, and you break tides when the pain threatens to paralyze your capacity to feel.

I went to New Orleans and sipped a daquiri ate a po'boy and held onto the rope of Allah.

I went to New Orleans and poured secret libation to my Nana.

I went to New Orleans and knew that I resurrected Christ everytime I felt hope or broke down a wall.

I went to New Orleans and the word nigger-excuse me, it hurts to repeat-rained down on me, threatening to shatter my glasses and leave me blind and groping.

I went to New Orleans and a voice I didn't know I had overcame me and I sang a chorus until my voice went hoarse, then I rested and sang again.

I went to New Orleans and I couldn't talk.

I went to New Orleans and photographed the edges because the center was something I wanted to submerge myself into completely-camera free-with empty hands and open arms, and it was a relationship I wished to keep between me and my mind's eye.

I went to New Orleans and couldn't understand why I wasn't there earlier.

I went to New Orleans and worshiped trees from a rooftop.

I went to New Orleans and acutely needed physical contact to remind me that I was still a point in space-time, even though I wasn't.

I went to New Orleans and thought about family members I didn't know.

I went to New Orleans and wondered where my sister was?

I went to New Orleans and loved more deeply than before, but there were still barriers to cross.

I went to New Orleans and perspective slapped me high across the face.

I went to New Orleans and thanked God(dess) over and over for my parents, and their parents, and their parents. Cousins aunties and uncles. People long passed and people still waiting to break through into this dimension.

I went to New Orleans and was taller than I was, and bigger than I was perceived.

I went to New Orleans and I gave the force of all my strength, and my femaleness did not matter in the giving, just my heart.

I went to New Orleans and reorganized my life, thought again about what I value and why.

I went to New Orleans knowing full well that one journal entry or song or poem or painting or clay figurine or carving could not possibly hope to contain all that was, all that is, all that will be.

I went to New Orleans and I absorbed. I took in. I expanded. I bore witness. I broke bread. I prayed to mother Africa I opened up to sunlight I made love to air I breathed self into existence god(DESS) said Be and I was.

Then the space-time stand-in for me left New Orleans. Yet having touched ground once I remain forever connected, understanding that spirit will continue to call me back. And I will answer. And I will carry New Orleans with me wherever I go. And I will find New Orleans in every experience I have. And I will live where they would have me die, find sustenance where they would have me starve, and shatter walls they would have me believe would imprison me forever. I will crowbar I will shout I will birth I will resurrect until I find my way.