A Note For You.

Loaded.
That is how I define our reality.
You glance at me shyly,
eyes barely perceptible,
half-hidden by your green cap
observing my every move,
Feeling your way around
the nuances in my demeanor
While I primp,
Posture
Pose
Perform for two audiences--
You
and the World
And
(I want to lie but)
I miss you
so much
Though the landscape of my heart
has changed
Since I last let you in...
There are new guards
waiting at the helm:
Skepticism
and Disbelief
And they are hesitant
at your approach.

This scorched earth,
(my heart),
is no longer raw
or Bleeding
But still the memory of the
burning is present,
Holding geometric form,
and Meaning
inside of me.
And so I continue
Moving,
Flowing,
Pretending to be unaffected
Though every ounce of our interaction is heavy.
Molded by what once was.
-sia