Tell me why...

So tell me why...

my brother is getting ready to board a plane to Beijing so he can watch the Olympics. Simply because...he wanted to. He saved up money...he purchased an advance ticket months ago...and he's heading to China. Alone.

The randomness of it all. The utter randomness.

Anyway. These kids are coming to my school sooner rather than later...my paycheck is coming sooner than later...i'm moving out sooner than later

i'm (almost) a grown-up.

kinda.

25 dammit. 25.

here's to hoping my shit will be together then.

My high school had a reunion party sunday. I heard a lot of folk showed up. Just like banneker heads! We all loved that place...we were def a family, as corny/cliche as it sounds. i kinda wish i was there cuz my frienddddddddddddd who i love dearly but who i haven't seen in forrrrrever showed up...next time

Sigh.


p.s.: speaking of drama, i think i am a drama queen on the low. or maybe not so much low. i'm sure my friends know my 'secret.' it's the leo in me, it's the leo. It's funny i'm not often easily read as 'leo' because folks usually expect leo suns to be super bossy, loud, proud, extraverted and slightly tyrannical. Folks see my generally calm exterior and never ever guess my sign correctly. but lemme tell you, all the major leo traits are definitely in me...they just don't often find full expression in my surface personality, which is strongly shaped by the double virgo influence on my moon and ascendant. Virgo is an analytical, fault finding, precise, refined, conventional, practical, dignified, logical, perfectionistic earth sign...as my moon and ascendant, virgo is the filter through which my leo core expresses herself, and it is often an imperfect fit. There's all this tension between who i am (know myself to be) and the role i often find myself playing in social situations. Leo is a sign of freedom, self expression and independence, while virgo is a service sign.

But both the leo and the virgo are me (and the other signs that were in other planets/houses at the time of my birth are also me...but the sun, moon, and ascendant are three of the major influences on who one is), and i think part of my growing up is learning how to bring both influences into balance. How to be a down-to-earth ball of fire. A person who integrates rather than alternates between these two polarities/modalities. I am a single being. Single and complex and inherently contradictory, like all humans. But the leo/virgo split is one of my contradictions.

This description (from astro.com) of that split resonates with me (though the part about power and authority doesn't completely sit well with my anarchist ideals. I would substitute the "power" and "authority" bit with one word, "freedom." I think this society is generally confused about the nature of freedom...we think that freedom is synonymous with having power over someone or something ELSE, when i think it's really about being fully SELF empowered):

You were born with the Sun in Leo and the Moon in Virgo. Internally, Leo has a fiery, ardent, and overpowering psychological makeup. The predominantly Leonian individual is dignified, proud, commanding, powerful, and magnanimous. These qualities are not very well expressed in terms of the personality, because the Moon in Virgo introduces a different influence; it restrains these characteristics, emphasizing your more practical side, such as performing services for others. These qualities conflict with the Leonian, and unless you somehow attempt to harmonize your internal self with your personality role you will be an unhappy person.

[insert: completely true. it is something i reflect on constantly.]

Notice that though internally you burn with the desire for authority and power [insert: complete and utter freedom], the role of the Virgo is that of service and a subordinate position. The only area in which Virgo and Leo do agree is that Leo gives tremendous clarity and perspective concerning the pride, emotions, and ideas of other people, while Virgo gives an analytical capacity which facilitates deep comprehension. Virgo inhibits the natural traits of a predominantly Leonian individual, causing you to occupy a lower position in life and to be subjected to much snubbing [insert: causing society to want to sculpt you into a subordinate position in this life but if you fight long and hard for the right to be completely who you are in all your contradictory, leo-virgo glory, you will most certainly reach you fullest potentials.]



Others see you as a person who does not want to take the lead in all matters (although you secretly harbor the desire to do just that). [the wording here is also a bit problematic for me but perhaps you get the pt?] You are attentive, careful, and observant. Outwardly, you are pure in love and sexual matters, but inwardly, you have a devouring passion. Try to harmonize the power of Leo with the cleverness of Virgo, and you will have total success, both in material concerns and in your relationships with others.


p.p.s: that was a long "post script," i know.