Thoughts.

So um...

by the wayyy...

I'm graduating. In a month. Less, actually. Mother's Day.
And I'm in this weird, reflective on life kind of mood. Also, there's pretend drama here (at HU) that I know is ultimately stupid...but focusing on it anchors me to this place that I'm kinda scared to leave, even though I also can't wait to leave, even though I also seriously need to leave, if only for sanity's sake. I'm thinking about all the experiences I've had here, all the people who have shaped who I am up to this point. How much I've grown despite being in a place that places all these obstacles in the way of growth and development. (Proof that the impulse of life is always to thrive, even when outside forces attempt to hold it back.)

I just began a scrapbook for my senior year. Things I've been through. Things I've witnessed from the outside. People who've affected me. People I've affected. And I just interviewed two professors about the history of activism on this campus, suppressed and hidden as it is. I learned a LOT. (And through my own research, I've learned, too. Sam Chap-our beloved founder-was a fucking racist, yo, and this school definitely lives out his legacy. He wanted to train Blacks who attended Hampton to accept subordinate roles in society. He felt that we could do nothing without the civilizing influence of Whites. And he felt that Blacks were incapable of being educated on the same level as Whites. (Here.Here.Here.Here.Here.
How ironic that I'm graduating on the day he died, May 11. Bastard.)

I'm really looking at myself...as one link in a massive chain of individuals. I feel all spiritual, been reading Deepak Chopra again. This time, a book called "Life After Death: The Burden of Proof." It's one of his biggest books, and I thought I would have difficulty reading it because there were so many pages. But it's...AMAzing. I love it. Definitely puts a new spin on the process of dying in the physical, and on life and consciousness in general. Sounds morose perhaps, but death is just one more part of life. This book does not feel freaky or morbid, Deepak has a way of making the topic very approachable.

I'm definitely about to start up a serious meditation practice once I graduate. A very serious one.